I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
