Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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