Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
