What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
