we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
