I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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