My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
