I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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