What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Dick very happy bro
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize