the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
