So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
