I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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