This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
