Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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