what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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