At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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