I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
