the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Sorry about my life...
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
