those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
