Sober January is a disaster.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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