I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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