The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
