You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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