Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
