I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Randomize
