Yo dont text me then not text me
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
