I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
