You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
