i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
