What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
