watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize