my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
