i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
