Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
