I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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