We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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