A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
