I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
