he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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