saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
