Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
