I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
