I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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