SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
