a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
