Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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