Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Man, jail baloney is awful.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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