in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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