woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
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