bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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