Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
