ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
