I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
