i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
