Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
