Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
