Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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