he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
