? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
