Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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