I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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