Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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