Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
