I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
