you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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