my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Damn victory sex feels great
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
