saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
