i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize