Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
