My first STD was from a foam party
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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