the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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