I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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