she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
We need a shit load of segways right now
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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