I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
