The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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