The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
